How to Attract Women

Let us talk about how to attract women in this column. Humans attract one other for the oddest reasons. Traits one woman finds irritating or even repellent in a man will strike another as cute and endearing. Affection colors perception. The woman who loves you will judge you with loving eyes.

Think of your long nose or jutting ears as barriers to keep the "wrong" women away. Your warts are your very own. Yours. Part of your persona. Even if you were classically handsome, would you truly want women attracted only for that? The traits that are intrinsic to you, that set you apart, that make you unique are what you will be loved for and treasured. Find a woman who will value you for what you are, and she will be worthy of your love.

Learn the lesson here - to look past "skin-deep" appearance. This enlarges the pool of eligible women and improves your odds of finding the one to love... a woman who has likewise learned this.

A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his self-esteem. After a while he realizes that she is beautiful. He just hadn't noticed at first.

What physical traits attract women?

* Muscles
* Slimness
* Hair - facial and chest
* Cleanliness (deodorant & breath spray?)
* Grooming (taking care of yourself)
* Clothes (complementing your physique)
* Carriage and walk (proud bearing)
* Classic facial features
* Weather-beaten appearance (scars?)
* Coloring (blonde, dark... depends)
* All of the above
* None of the above

You might find it effective to cultivate a personal style, to become known by a "trademark". Custom-tailored clothes, boots, colorful accessories, a mustache or beard, and an unusual hairstyle can provide an outlet for your imagination in creating a distinctive "look" and emphasizing your best features. Originality wins extra points, so avoid the commonplace and the fashionable.
Wear an unusual pendant around your neck, perhaps an old coin hung on a chain, a heavy weathered brass or oxidized silver chain, not gold (garish and tasteless). You can find nice 1000-year-old Byzantine coins in the $20 - $50 range at a reputable coin dealer.

All this gives you an ego boost, gets women to notice you and possibly approach you to start a conversation. It will make a striking first impression. Note that attracting attention could have undesirable side effects. The technique is not without its perils, and may not be appropriate for everyone.

Now we come to the critical question. Just how significant are your looks, when it comes to attracting women?

Physical appearance means little.

How then can we explain the recent phenomenon of women requiring good looks, the masculine equivalent of "beauty", in their partners? Regrettably, even otherwise intelligent women occasionally succumb to the propaganda and blandishments of pop culture and its noxious offshoots. They fall prey to the same fallacy that many men have cherished for so long, that people are little more than commodities, consumables, and that physical beauty must therefore be the primary consideration in the choice of a mate. This fraudulent premise turns such women away from the many fine men with whom they might otherwise find happiness and fulfillment. It is the sad spectacle of the moth drawn toward the flame, spiraling slowly downward toward her doom. The last thing any self-respecting man needs is to be hooked up with one of these tragically deluded creatures.

What counts is interior image, how you see yourself, and consequently, how you carry yourself. Inner strength, confidence, pride... all this radiates out into the world, and effects how others see you.

You are an intelligent person. Recognize this. Wisdom, gleaned from painful experience, builds the judgment to make reasoned decisions. Knowledge and competence set you apart. Talents and skills, carefully nurtured, win respect from your peers... yet you avoid the trap of arrogance. Calm and controlled, exercise common sense, that most noble of virtues. You have attained maturity.

You are an honest person. Your source of inner strength is rock-solid integrity, an iron-clad sense of honor. Practice restraint and do not abuse your authority over others. Have a kind, generous heart and help those less fortunate. Value morality, but show compassion toward the weaknesses of others, and understand your own.

You are a shy person. Yet does not your very shyness set you apart, give you your own particular charm, exalt you? Shyness is your center, your power, your shield and armor. Wear it proudly. Glory in it.

Life is funny, and sometimes bizarre. Laugh at it, and at your own self. People who take themselves too seriously are pompous, and make spectacles of themselves. A sense of humor keeps things in perspective, preserves your sanity, and perchance might even entertain your friends and associates.

Let yourself be a thoughtful and caring person. As an attentive listener, you inspire trust in others, and they freely express their feelings in your presence. Your sensitivity gives you insight into their needs. Express your own feelings in an honest but restrained manner, and do not hide your vulnerability. Give and accept compliments. Help. Give comfort. Be a friend as well as a lover.

. . . the reason I please and mean so much to you is that I mirror your inner self, and something in me responds to your very being.
- Hesse, Steppenwolf.

Acquire the skill of translating your inner dialog. Share yourself with others. Speak what you mean, no more and no less. Practice writing, be it a whimsical piece of fiction, or a love letter. Expression is the art of communicating to others your thoughts and feelings, it is a tool and a weapon, and is something of a lost art in the modern age.

Cultivate and learn to trust your intuition. Most people can sense "kindred spirits" even across a crowded room filled with strangers. You find a woman in harmony and in tune with your feelings and beliefs at the exact time that she finds you, almost as if by magic. It is indeed a magic of sorts, a poorly understood ability we all share, if it has not been irrevocably damaged by skepticism and ridicule. It is is a "wild talent", an ability to feel out, sense, intuit, and know another person before even speaking a word to her. Note that this is separate and distinct from character judgment, an important learned skill that acts as a double-check and brake on intuition.

Confidence has at its foundation a sense of purpose. Calm, but single-minded, pursue your goals while respecting the needs and feelings of others. Firm, but not overbearing, inspire others to share your commitments. Forthright and plain spoken, radiate security.

Willingness to stand up for yourself and your beliefs gives the courage to dare, to take risks, though tempered with the wisdom to know when to step back from the brink. Be willing to speak your mind, but know when to hold your tongue. Overcome adversity, survive setbacks, learn from mistakes. Discipline and self-control give you the inner strength to endure. This is perceived as "character".

Be responsible. Keep your word. Always. Develop a reputation for consistency. Win trust by your reliability. Honor your commitments. Give loyalty when it is earned, and inspire it in others.

Stay open to new ideas. Be spontaneous, but reasoned. Accept challenges... judiciously. Smell the flowers. Appreciate a sunset.

Nurture the "little kid" in you, preserve the "boyishness" (women love this). Better to be a bit naive, than jaded and used up. Meet life's hardships head-on - don't let them grind you down, drown you in bitterness and cynicism, leave you broken and hollow.

Be a happy person, and show it. Communicate your joy in life. Have a smile ready for everyone (it can be a shy smile). Cherish mischief and laughter. Play.

Charisma and its common variants, "chemistry", animal magnetism, and just plain sexiness - those are the mysterious forces that haunt so much of human destiny. In truth, we are all blessed (or damned) with these qualities in various measure, yet in the normal course of events they remain hidden beneath the scars and hurts we wear, smothered by lack of self-confidence, obscured by the memory of past failures, masked by the roles our families and acquaintances force upon us. Learn to become your true self, to awaken to who you are and your role in life, to grow, to liberate the powers within - and discover that you, too, can develop the knack of attracting women.

A Mystery Explained

Why are so many women attracted to married men, obsessed by them? The married man has no need to "play games" or prove himself, thus he tends to be relaxed and confident in his dealings with the opposite sex. He wears the shining armor of his experience and exudes an aura of "forbidden fruit". His married state convincingly demonstrates that at least one woman finds him attractive, and this very fact makes him even more desirable in the eyes of many other women - it confirms their judgment that he is worth pursuing. He is unavailable, and his very inaccessibility makes him highly desirable. Truly a deadly combination.

What can the single guy learn from all this? Act married. You need not "play games" or prove yourself, and thus be relaxed and confident in your dealings with the opposite sex. Do not make yourself too accessible to the opposite sex; let women invest at least a little bit of effort to get near you. Above all, avoid the behavior patterns of being "on the prowl", radiating neediness and desperation. Panting after women, with your tongue literally hanging out, you play the fool. Staying detached, just a bit distant, cool - calm - collected, you project confidence and strength. Wear the shining armor of your very own experience and exude an aura of "forbidden fruit", of being the proud, sensitive, strong, and yes, desirable shy man.

Overcome your own appearance prejudices, stop rejecting possible partners because you judge them too fat, too old, too unattractive... Tolerance and compassion toward the "failings" of the woman you seek will help you find the one who will accept your own imperfections. Mutual acceptance is the key.